Why is it that the easiest, most comfortable state to be in is one of fear and worry? It's like the moment I feel myself being happy and randomly buoyant, it's so unnatural that I force myself back down to a state of insecurity and "not caring." That's like my resting state.
And it's not a happy one, but it's comfortable. Makes me sad. I would like to stay happy. But the last time I allowed myself to be happy and hope, it crashed and burned. So now, when I feel happy, I say to myself, what if that happiness isn't mutual? Or what if it doesn't last?
Sigh. Gotta work on that if I want to actually LIVE my life.
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