I've kind of given up on the whole new year's resolutions thing. At the moment it's just too much effort.
Well, not too much effort, because I do have goals. But too much stress. Worrying about what to change and how to do it with the pressure of "oh my gosh it's a new year I have to do this."
I didn't come on here during December and do my usual summary...who I am, what I like, and such. Guess I'll do that now.
- I went to London, Barcelona and Madrid over the span of 9 days.
- I'm in my longest relationship ever; it's been 17 months total, I think. March would make two years. There were four months that we weren't officially together, a break, but it's been over a year of steady since then.
- I cut my hair, finally. All the dead ends are gone. Bout six inches. It's growing back quickly, though.
- I still live with my dad. It's a learning process...we're getting better at it, I think.
- I've still got my two cats, Topaze and Frisk Ivbony, and I've also got a blue betta fish named Blue Okami.
- I got a new car: it's a 2018 Honda Civic. The old cruze was having electrical problems and kept shutting off on me.
- I work for Lyft. That's been interesting.
- I've been on birth control for over a year now. Dang that was an experience in the beginning. Not a good one. I'm still dealing with the repercussions of that.
- I stopped drinking caffeinated coffee. Something I never thought I'd do, but I realized it was making me way too anxious.
- I think I've been depressed.
- I tried to go to therapy, but didn't follow up on it.
- I don't eat very healthily anymore...about one meal a day and it's often fast food.
- I put back on maybe half the weight I lost after my mom died.
- I'm not a hundred percent sad every day anymore. It's more like seventy percent now. On good days, it's only sixty or fifty. I've even had a day of forty.
- I've developed an interest in psychology.
- I don't wear nail polish anymore. Don't like how it looks.
- I technically have my own tutoring business.
- I miss my mom. A lot.
- I have five tattoos (could count as six, since the ones on each wrist technically make it six but I only count them as one)
- My dad found out about my tattoos and still loves me.
- I've had sex in my own bed, something I didn't see myself ever doing.
- I don't draw as much as I used to.
- I took up watercolor painting and am surprisingly actually kinda good at it.
- My favorite color is gray.
- I've been completely self employed for about a year and a half now. It's been rough, but also kinda fun.
- I've become more comfortable with my body shape.
- Also with my acne scars, although they might be looking a bit better but yeah, still.
- I don't think I have a favorite food anymore. Actually no. It might still be spaghetti and meatballs. But I'm not sure.
- I don't like listening to music with lyrics. It tells me what to feel, and I don't appreciate that.
- I've noticed that I'm a lot more pessimistic and negative when it comes to my outlook on things, and life in general.
- I don't believe in destiny anymore. Just choices. I mean, maybe there's a grand destiny, like God's plan to destroy the earth and make a new one, but besides that along the way, it's just the choices people make. That's what I think.
- I don't eat chocolate anymore. I also don't like the taste anymore either. I break out terribly from even one piece, so it's not worth it anyway.
- I despise social media and its effects on society. Also its effects on myself. I'm trying to avoid it, with the exception of YouTube.
- I have many people in my life who appear to care about me and who check up on me, and I should be grateful for this. Sometimes I find it stressful, though. Having to reply to them, the likes. But at least I am not alone.
- I haven't gotten any better at managing stress, but I have gotten more self compassionate and become aware of my negative thought patterns. I'm working on it.
- This list sounds a lot more grown up than ones in past years.
- I started meditating and then I stopped because my free subscription to the app ran out.
- I don't read nearly as many novels as I used to...I haven't found any amazing ones lately. I miss reading.
- I've gotten into anime. Not terribly into it, but enough to have a few favorites. Sword Art Online and Assassination Classroom are the top two. My Hero Acadamia is a close third.
- I've gotten braver when it comes to expressing my feelings to those people who are important to me.
- I'm definitely changing as a result of all I've been through, and I'm not fully on the other end yet. Guess we'll see who I am in another year.
