This shall be a youtube video. I do declare.
Things I like about myself vs. Things I dislike about myself. In honor of the new year coming up, I wanted to make a comparison chart for myself so that I can figure out what I'm proud of and what things I should try to improve on for the new year.
Things I like about myself:
My hair
my determination
I'm pretty patient, I think
my style (even though it's constantly evolving)
my ability to see both sides of an argument
Things I dislike about myself:
My hair
I get easily distracted
I procrastinate a lot
my tendency to second guess myself
I don't speak up for myself enough
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Friday, December 25, 2015
Christmas Day
Hey there. It's Christmas.
It's my parents' 27th wedding anniversary, too.
The day didn't go quite as planned. It was tough. Really tough. For everyone. I spent some of it crying, and got a really bad migraine. (I think that's what they are. Because they happen so often now, that I'm realizing it's not just a random thing. And they pretty much incapacitate me. I have to get that checked out.)
But nevertheless, it's Christmas (even though it's nearly 70 degrees out, and it's New York, so really, it should be 50 or below at this time of year) and I have this thing I like to do at the end of each year.
I like to write down what makes me, me. Different things that I like at this age, and what I've accomplished. Then I come across them years later and go, "wow, I liked that?"
It's a neat thing.
So here we go:
(in no particular order)
I'm obsessed with Pentatonix
I've seen them live in concert (in July)
I still like silver jewelry
I like dark colored nail polishes
My style is changing to become more minimalist
I got a logo completed for my youtube channel
I've also set a launch date and a timeline for the release
I still like vintage things, but more for decoration in a sort of bohemian style
I have two cats, two turtles, and three goldfish
I had a betta fish but my cat killed it
I finally got a Barnes and Noble gift card as a present!!!!
Kirstin Maldonado of Pentatonix replied to my comment on her blog
I like earthy smells
My ears are stretched to a 00g (10mm)
I have my navel, tongue frenulum, nostril and septum pierced, as well as second holes in my ears
three tats
I like electronic and indie music best
I've gotten pretty good at playing the drums
I started piano lessons this summer (had to stop, but I'm going to start again soon)
weird, but I'm finally a full b cup in bra size, lol
my favorite colors are mint green and burgundy
My favorite books are: City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare, The Host by Stephenie Meyer, and the Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins
my favorite authors are Cassie Clare, Oscar Wilde, and Suzanne Collins
I work as an admin assistant
I still love foxes
I don't feel like getting any more piercings...my face looks full to me, lol
my favorite dish is spaghetti and meatballs
i love soy milk
I'm a coffee addict
Jesus is getting closer to being my best friend (I hope)
my parents didn't freak when I got my nose pierced
I dressed up as a female version of Captain Jack Sparrow for career day at my job and told all the little kids I wanted to be a pirate when I grow up
oh, I have an iphone. Never thought I'd get one...
I still sleep with stuffed animals in my bed and occasionally hold them
my fave youtubers are: zoella, thatcherjoe, superfruit, superwoman, and ptxofficial
I'm currently reading two books: the 5th wave, and California.
Oh, on that note, I like dystopian fiction a lot
My favorite movies are: pirates of the caribbean, a christmas kiss, & silver linings playbook
my favorite tv shows are: Being Human, Scrubs, Jane the Virgin, and Doctor Who
I hardly wear hoodies anymore
my hair had reached my tailbone in october, but then I cut it, so it's back to mid back length now
it's still natural
I heart tea
I still love floral print
I'm about halfway through chapter 15 in my novel (or is it chapter 16?)
I really like dreamcatchers
I've found a church that I love
I tutor (I have two students, a boy and a girl, both in middle school)
I don't have a boyfriend
Some times i want one
most times I don't
I also want kids pretty often
but that could be because I'm around them for nine hours a day
I'm going to better my life
i have a bachelor's degree
I think my favorite flowers are still daisies
I'm not obsessed with stars anymore
I've been to a bonfire upstate with my friend
I helped cut down an tree and chop firewood (hard work!)
I teach sunday school every other week at my church
I feel better now.
Bye! Off to watch Pirates of the Caribbean...it's on Netflix now!!!!! FINALLY!
Merry Christmas!
It's my parents' 27th wedding anniversary, too.
The day didn't go quite as planned. It was tough. Really tough. For everyone. I spent some of it crying, and got a really bad migraine. (I think that's what they are. Because they happen so often now, that I'm realizing it's not just a random thing. And they pretty much incapacitate me. I have to get that checked out.)
But nevertheless, it's Christmas (even though it's nearly 70 degrees out, and it's New York, so really, it should be 50 or below at this time of year) and I have this thing I like to do at the end of each year.
I like to write down what makes me, me. Different things that I like at this age, and what I've accomplished. Then I come across them years later and go, "wow, I liked that?"
It's a neat thing.
So here we go:
(in no particular order)
I'm obsessed with Pentatonix
I've seen them live in concert (in July)
I still like silver jewelry
I like dark colored nail polishes
My style is changing to become more minimalist
I got a logo completed for my youtube channel
I've also set a launch date and a timeline for the release
I still like vintage things, but more for decoration in a sort of bohemian style
I have two cats, two turtles, and three goldfish
I had a betta fish but my cat killed it
I finally got a Barnes and Noble gift card as a present!!!!
Kirstin Maldonado of Pentatonix replied to my comment on her blog
I like earthy smells
My ears are stretched to a 00g (10mm)
I have my navel, tongue frenulum, nostril and septum pierced, as well as second holes in my ears
three tats
I like electronic and indie music best
I've gotten pretty good at playing the drums
I started piano lessons this summer (had to stop, but I'm going to start again soon)
weird, but I'm finally a full b cup in bra size, lol
my favorite colors are mint green and burgundy
My favorite books are: City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare, The Host by Stephenie Meyer, and the Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins
my favorite authors are Cassie Clare, Oscar Wilde, and Suzanne Collins
I work as an admin assistant
I still love foxes
I don't feel like getting any more piercings...my face looks full to me, lol
my favorite dish is spaghetti and meatballs
i love soy milk
I'm a coffee addict
Jesus is getting closer to being my best friend (I hope)
my parents didn't freak when I got my nose pierced
I dressed up as a female version of Captain Jack Sparrow for career day at my job and told all the little kids I wanted to be a pirate when I grow up
oh, I have an iphone. Never thought I'd get one...
I still sleep with stuffed animals in my bed and occasionally hold them
my fave youtubers are: zoella, thatcherjoe, superfruit, superwoman, and ptxofficial
I'm currently reading two books: the 5th wave, and California.
Oh, on that note, I like dystopian fiction a lot
My favorite movies are: pirates of the caribbean, a christmas kiss, & silver linings playbook
my favorite tv shows are: Being Human, Scrubs, Jane the Virgin, and Doctor Who
I hardly wear hoodies anymore
my hair had reached my tailbone in october, but then I cut it, so it's back to mid back length now
it's still natural
I heart tea
I still love floral print
I'm about halfway through chapter 15 in my novel (or is it chapter 16?)
I really like dreamcatchers
I've found a church that I love
I tutor (I have two students, a boy and a girl, both in middle school)
I don't have a boyfriend
Some times i want one
most times I don't
I also want kids pretty often
but that could be because I'm around them for nine hours a day
I'm going to better my life
i have a bachelor's degree
I think my favorite flowers are still daisies
I'm not obsessed with stars anymore
I've been to a bonfire upstate with my friend
I helped cut down an tree and chop firewood (hard work!)
I teach sunday school every other week at my church
I feel better now.
Bye! Off to watch Pirates of the Caribbean...it's on Netflix now!!!!! FINALLY!
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
thinking
You know, I've been thinking. For the past few minutes, really, but it's been culminating into this one big thought.
Okay not really. But with everything that's been going on, and what we've had to deal with a couple of years ago with my mom's diagnosis, and now all of this that's going on, I think it's pushed me to a breaking point. But not the bad kind, not the fall down and cry in a corner kind.
No.
It's forced me to grow up. I used to ask what the point was, what's the point of making me go through difficult things if I'm just going to be a horrible person as a result. Why bother?
But I think it was a sort of training. I swore I'd be stronger this time around. I wasn't blindsided. I saw it coming. I had an inkling of how it could be...how difficult. And yes, it is a LOT. A crap ton. (look it up, it's a real unit of measurement. It measures how crappy situations can be.) But I've been handling things surprisingly well these past few days. Like, with a smile on my face. And I'm learning to put first things first, and to do things that are necessary, like, waking up at 7am and taking care of the animals and heating up water for my mom, and being ready to answer the door at 8am for the wonderful lady who makes food for my mom and brings it in the mornings. And then get ready for work, and not get too overwhelmed at my job...even in stressful situations. And get a phone call that with my mom crying on the other end...and not break down. Not freak out. Go, help her, come back, and still have a smile on my face. I never would have thought I'd be able to manage that.
And she needs me a lot. So I'm not going anywhere just yet. I'm sticking around till she gets better, of course.
And it's come to a point where I want to achieve my goals so badly that I'm willing to budget my time and MAKE time to do the things I want. It's a lot, but like, I have to jump. If I don't, I'll never know.
So...I'll be the one to cut myself from the line...and shatter the glass globe that I've been living in, thinking that everything SHOULD be peachy keen and SHOULD be easy, and that difficulties are hiccups and made to make me unhappy and I should hide in a corner until they're gone.
No. That's not going to work. I have to work to get through them, or else...well, or else.
I expect to make progress.
Okay not really. But with everything that's been going on, and what we've had to deal with a couple of years ago with my mom's diagnosis, and now all of this that's going on, I think it's pushed me to a breaking point. But not the bad kind, not the fall down and cry in a corner kind.
No.
It's forced me to grow up. I used to ask what the point was, what's the point of making me go through difficult things if I'm just going to be a horrible person as a result. Why bother?
But I think it was a sort of training. I swore I'd be stronger this time around. I wasn't blindsided. I saw it coming. I had an inkling of how it could be...how difficult. And yes, it is a LOT. A crap ton. (look it up, it's a real unit of measurement. It measures how crappy situations can be.) But I've been handling things surprisingly well these past few days. Like, with a smile on my face. And I'm learning to put first things first, and to do things that are necessary, like, waking up at 7am and taking care of the animals and heating up water for my mom, and being ready to answer the door at 8am for the wonderful lady who makes food for my mom and brings it in the mornings. And then get ready for work, and not get too overwhelmed at my job...even in stressful situations. And get a phone call that with my mom crying on the other end...and not break down. Not freak out. Go, help her, come back, and still have a smile on my face. I never would have thought I'd be able to manage that.
And she needs me a lot. So I'm not going anywhere just yet. I'm sticking around till she gets better, of course.
And it's come to a point where I want to achieve my goals so badly that I'm willing to budget my time and MAKE time to do the things I want. It's a lot, but like, I have to jump. If I don't, I'll never know.
So...I'll be the one to cut myself from the line...and shatter the glass globe that I've been living in, thinking that everything SHOULD be peachy keen and SHOULD be easy, and that difficulties are hiccups and made to make me unhappy and I should hide in a corner until they're gone.
No. That's not going to work. I have to work to get through them, or else...well, or else.
I expect to make progress.
Saturday, December 5, 2015
more necessary stuff
I'm going to make a list of things that we need for the new apartment. (Not that we have one yet, but still. We need to get rid of all the junk we do have and only keep what we really need.)
Kitchen:
four plates (the plastic kind that look like porcelain)
four glasses
mugs galore (because there needs to be a mug for every possible beverage. I'm not compromising on that.)
utensils
glassware storage containers (get rid of all the plastic ones cause they've got bad stuff like BPA)
pots and pans (need some enamel kinds)
kettle
spice rack
dish rack
Bathrooms:
mason jars to hold cotton, q-tips and hairpins, etc.
no more soap dish - too messy. Just dispensers.
shelves over toilet to hold mason jars
Living room:
sofa
center table
piano
fish tank
turtle tank (gosh, we have a lot of pets) :-)
bookshelf (tall, sturdy one)
tv (I want to get us a new one for Christmas, one of those flat-screen ones. 32''. The cheapest, lol)
grandfather clock
Dining room:
dining table
(maybe a new set of matching chairs from craigslist...these mismatched ones we have now don't even have vintage charm)
china cabinet
Bedroom (mine. Can't really dictate my parents' room lol)
bed and desk. I think I want the bed back on top of the desk. That way I can have more space.
piano? How big do I think my room is going to be?
proper bookshelf. A sturdy one. from craigslist, dude.
dresser
hamper.
Okay wait. If my room is the size that the one I have now is, then I don't need to put my bed on top of my desk, and I can buy those under-bed storage drawers, and keep my off-season clothes and extra blankets/sheets under there. Yeah. That sounds like a good idea. And I can have my bedside table next to my bed, and actually have space for my phone and my alarm clock. Yay! I would try to put my desk opposite my bed, instead of adjacent to it. Yes. I tink dis is how I shall do de ting. Yes indeedly.
Of course, we still need a place to go. But all in due time, I guess. I've been calling around and emailing different places. Sigh. This takes a while.
I'm sleepy.
Also, my mom had a really tough day yesterday because she went to the urologist to see if her body could handle having the catheter out and use the bathroom regularly, and it didn't work out. So they had to put it back in. =( and she was in SO MUCH PAIN, it was awful. She cried and cried and tossed and turned and tried to stand and crouch and sit and lie down and didn't know what to do and what the heck am I supposed to do? It's awful. I'm trying so hard to be understanding and helpful but what do you really do when you can't touch somebody because they're already in pain? So I just end up hovering uselessly unless she needs something. I promised myself I'd be stronger this time, and I think I am, but I still hate it. I hate all of it. The cancer, the stupid doctors, the pain, the idiotic landlord who is kicking us out mid-winter KNOWING what we're going through with my mom...I wouldn't really wish suffering on anybody, but this lady who we rent from...............
Sigh.
Forgive me. I'm trying.
And then to make it worse, today my tutoring session got canceled and my mom got happy because she was looking forward to spending the day with me...and I didn't realize that. So when I went to get groceries, I stayed out, basically for the whole afternoon and evening because I wanted to drive around and rest my mind and relax...and then when I got home she was in so much pain and crying again and was in such despair and so sad...she gets depressed. And I get that. I mean, how could one not get depressed with all this? And she's lonely, cause she's a people person but she spends most of her day all alone, and a lot of the time in pain, or just with her thoughts that torment her. And I wish I could do today over again. If I could, I'd come straight home and stay with her all day. And read to her, and we'd watch movies and plan stuff and discuss what she needs. But instead, I abandoned her when she needed me. Seriously. It's killing me inside. I'm probably going to go and cry myself to sleep now, but ... can I just wake up this morning again and get a do-over? Please?
Why can't I do anything right?
Why?
Good night. Maybe I'll wake up yesterday.
Kitchen:
four plates (the plastic kind that look like porcelain)
four glasses
mugs galore (because there needs to be a mug for every possible beverage. I'm not compromising on that.)
utensils
glassware storage containers (get rid of all the plastic ones cause they've got bad stuff like BPA)
pots and pans (need some enamel kinds)
kettle
spice rack
dish rack
Bathrooms:
mason jars to hold cotton, q-tips and hairpins, etc.
no more soap dish - too messy. Just dispensers.
shelves over toilet to hold mason jars
Living room:
sofa
center table
piano
fish tank
turtle tank (gosh, we have a lot of pets) :-)
bookshelf (tall, sturdy one)
tv (I want to get us a new one for Christmas, one of those flat-screen ones. 32''. The cheapest, lol)
grandfather clock
Dining room:
dining table
(maybe a new set of matching chairs from craigslist...these mismatched ones we have now don't even have vintage charm)
china cabinet
Bedroom (mine. Can't really dictate my parents' room lol)
bed and desk. I think I want the bed back on top of the desk. That way I can have more space.
piano? How big do I think my room is going to be?
proper bookshelf. A sturdy one. from craigslist, dude.
dresser
hamper.
Okay wait. If my room is the size that the one I have now is, then I don't need to put my bed on top of my desk, and I can buy those under-bed storage drawers, and keep my off-season clothes and extra blankets/sheets under there. Yeah. That sounds like a good idea. And I can have my bedside table next to my bed, and actually have space for my phone and my alarm clock. Yay! I would try to put my desk opposite my bed, instead of adjacent to it. Yes. I tink dis is how I shall do de ting. Yes indeedly.
Of course, we still need a place to go. But all in due time, I guess. I've been calling around and emailing different places. Sigh. This takes a while.
I'm sleepy.
Also, my mom had a really tough day yesterday because she went to the urologist to see if her body could handle having the catheter out and use the bathroom regularly, and it didn't work out. So they had to put it back in. =( and she was in SO MUCH PAIN, it was awful. She cried and cried and tossed and turned and tried to stand and crouch and sit and lie down and didn't know what to do and what the heck am I supposed to do? It's awful. I'm trying so hard to be understanding and helpful but what do you really do when you can't touch somebody because they're already in pain? So I just end up hovering uselessly unless she needs something. I promised myself I'd be stronger this time, and I think I am, but I still hate it. I hate all of it. The cancer, the stupid doctors, the pain, the idiotic landlord who is kicking us out mid-winter KNOWING what we're going through with my mom...I wouldn't really wish suffering on anybody, but this lady who we rent from...............
Sigh.
Forgive me. I'm trying.
And then to make it worse, today my tutoring session got canceled and my mom got happy because she was looking forward to spending the day with me...and I didn't realize that. So when I went to get groceries, I stayed out, basically for the whole afternoon and evening because I wanted to drive around and rest my mind and relax...and then when I got home she was in so much pain and crying again and was in such despair and so sad...she gets depressed. And I get that. I mean, how could one not get depressed with all this? And she's lonely, cause she's a people person but she spends most of her day all alone, and a lot of the time in pain, or just with her thoughts that torment her. And I wish I could do today over again. If I could, I'd come straight home and stay with her all day. And read to her, and we'd watch movies and plan stuff and discuss what she needs. But instead, I abandoned her when she needed me. Seriously. It's killing me inside. I'm probably going to go and cry myself to sleep now, but ... can I just wake up this morning again and get a do-over? Please?
Why can't I do anything right?
Why?
Good night. Maybe I'll wake up yesterday.
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
necessary stuff
Things Mom needs:
iP6 supplement
raw, organic veggies to blend and drink
tea of life supplement
HCl supplement
green tea supplement
vitamin C supplement (that special one)
new coat
two bras
some long-sleeved shirts (find these...she has some)
a new phone
new house slippers that are comfortable
winter boots
Things I need:
two new bras
an umbrella
two pairs of jeans
a pair of dress flats for work in a bigger size
Things I would like to have:
a pair of pretty plugs in 00g
There. I just needed to get that all out of my head and down where I can see it so I can start making it happen.
iP6 supplement
raw, organic veggies to blend and drink
tea of life supplement
HCl supplement
green tea supplement
vitamin C supplement (that special one)
new coat
two bras
some long-sleeved shirts (find these...she has some)
a new phone
new house slippers that are comfortable
winter boots
Things I need:
two new bras
an umbrella
two pairs of jeans
a pair of dress flats for work in a bigger size
Things I would like to have:
a pair of pretty plugs in 00g
There. I just needed to get that all out of my head and down where I can see it so I can start making it happen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)