I'm going to make a list of things that we need for the new apartment. (Not that we have one yet, but still. We need to get rid of all the junk we do have and only keep what we really need.)
Kitchen:
four plates (the plastic kind that look like porcelain)
four glasses
mugs galore (because there needs to be a mug for every possible beverage. I'm not compromising on that.)
utensils
glassware storage containers (get rid of all the plastic ones cause they've got bad stuff like BPA)
pots and pans (need some enamel kinds)
kettle
spice rack
dish rack
Bathrooms:
mason jars to hold cotton, q-tips and hairpins, etc.
no more soap dish - too messy. Just dispensers.
shelves over toilet to hold mason jars
Living room:
sofa
center table
piano
fish tank
turtle tank (gosh, we have a lot of pets) :-)
bookshelf (tall, sturdy one)
tv (I want to get us a new one for Christmas, one of those flat-screen ones. 32''. The cheapest, lol)
grandfather clock
Dining room:
dining table
(maybe a new set of matching chairs from craigslist...these mismatched ones we have now don't even have vintage charm)
china cabinet
Bedroom (mine. Can't really dictate my parents' room lol)
bed and desk. I think I want the bed back on top of the desk. That way I can have more space.
piano? How big do I think my room is going to be?
proper bookshelf. A sturdy one. from craigslist, dude.
dresser
hamper.
Okay wait. If my room is the size that the one I have now is, then I don't need to put my bed on top of my desk, and I can buy those under-bed storage drawers, and keep my off-season clothes and extra blankets/sheets under there. Yeah. That sounds like a good idea. And I can have my bedside table next to my bed, and actually have space for my phone and my alarm clock. Yay! I would try to put my desk opposite my bed, instead of adjacent to it. Yes. I tink dis is how I shall do de ting. Yes indeedly.
Of course, we still need a place to go. But all in due time, I guess. I've been calling around and emailing different places. Sigh. This takes a while.
I'm sleepy.
Also, my mom had a really tough day yesterday because she went to the urologist to see if her body could handle having the catheter out and use the bathroom regularly, and it didn't work out. So they had to put it back in. =( and she was in SO MUCH PAIN, it was awful. She cried and cried and tossed and turned and tried to stand and crouch and sit and lie down and didn't know what to do and what the heck am I supposed to do? It's awful. I'm trying so hard to be understanding and helpful but what do you really do when you can't touch somebody because they're already in pain? So I just end up hovering uselessly unless she needs something. I promised myself I'd be stronger this time, and I think I am, but I still hate it. I hate all of it. The cancer, the stupid doctors, the pain, the idiotic landlord who is kicking us out mid-winter KNOWING what we're going through with my mom...I wouldn't really wish suffering on anybody, but this lady who we rent from...............
Sigh.
Forgive me. I'm trying.
And then to make it worse, today my tutoring session got canceled and my mom got happy because she was looking forward to spending the day with me...and I didn't realize that. So when I went to get groceries, I stayed out, basically for the whole afternoon and evening because I wanted to drive around and rest my mind and relax...and then when I got home she was in so much pain and crying again and was in such despair and so sad...she gets depressed. And I get that. I mean, how could one not get depressed with all this? And she's lonely, cause she's a people person but she spends most of her day all alone, and a lot of the time in pain, or just with her thoughts that torment her. And I wish I could do today over again. If I could, I'd come straight home and stay with her all day. And read to her, and we'd watch movies and plan stuff and discuss what she needs. But instead, I abandoned her when she needed me. Seriously. It's killing me inside. I'm probably going to go and cry myself to sleep now, but ... can I just wake up this morning again and get a do-over? Please?
Why can't I do anything right?
Why?
Good night. Maybe I'll wake up yesterday.
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