Nothing Special

To go from being a person's whole world,
to being less than nothing
is nothing special.

It happens all the time.

Even in the folds of the browned pages,
the ones I turn over to escape
from this place.

It happens on the flickering reel,
the images jumpy and scattered
with age.

The story repeats itself, playing back again
because we never learn
or never seem to, anyway.



It's a strange sensation, sort of like
your chest was once full,
warm and tight.

There was knowledge and safety.

But when it's on the other side of the typefont,
the other side of the reel,
somehow it's odd.

Different.

Worse.

There is no happy ending to expect,
thirty minutes down the line, or
fifty pages later.

And so,
we trudge on, nothing special,
because we can do nothing more.

Wednesday afternoon

I went to church today. Out in the city. I think it was called Convent at the Crossroads or something...it's on the upper West side. Really old building - the whole neighborhood is old, in fact. 1800's type of old.

Pretty cool. There was a noon service and I wanted to see what the inside of the building looked like, so I went.

Nice people.

I guess I just have to keep holding on. That's what the message was about.

But I've been deregistered from my summer course due to non-payment and have until tomorrow to come up with the funds. I would have BEEN had the funds like last friday, had it not been for the idiotic school not accepting VISA. Who doesn't accept VISA? Like really?

Piss me off.

Sigh.

I....am....exhausted. And what on earth is NBS? It's some reaction I need to know how to use. I'll have to google it. But it seems like everything is working against me.

I need to go back out and deposit my check in the bank, draw out $300, hope that my dad can come up with $300 more by tonight, and....the bank is so far away.

It's actually really close. It's five minutes away by cab. But I don't have $4 to spare to get there and back. That leaves either a 25 minute walk (exhausting) or a 20 minute longboard ride (murderously exhausting).

I guess I'll go dig for some spare change.