It's still three years away, but I've never planned anything big for my birthday except for my sweet sixteen. I was thinking that maybe I want to go on a cruise for my thirtieth birthday.
I have a lot of energy at the moment. It might not look like it, sitting here at my work desk on this rainy, grey day, with a blank expression on my face except for the occasional smile at a parent who walks in. But I'm extremely hyper.
If given the opportunity, I'd climb up monkey bars or bounce in circles around the lobby. I'd go on a blabbing spree with somebody and end up in a giggle fit. Anything but sit here. I have the itch to just get up and run.
That happens every now and again. Like, I get really, really hyper. adlskjfasdk;ljfasd;jfasdk;ljfsd;jfd;jf;djf
That was satisfying.
I went out for lunch today with one of the elders from the church..that owns the school..where I work. That was a wee bit complicated. But basically it's because of what happened to my mom, so he bought me lunch and talked to me about life and loss and what's going on now. That was actually a much more productive conversation than the one I paid $25 for sitting on a couch talking to a professional. I have to admit, I felt a little like a crazy person during that session. And the only reason I talked was because I felt like I had to, but this Donna Noble lady (not her real name, obviously, but I call her that in my head because she makes me think of the Doctor's companion) doesn't exactly inspire confidence.
She never did.
That's kind of sad.
Welp. Such is life.
So yeah. Maybe I relate better to men? Males? Guys? Or whatever? I think they're easier to talk to. Women are like....YOU MUST SPEAK TO ME. WE MUST SPEAK. WE MUST COMMUNICATE. And I'm like, but what if I don't want to? With non-females it's like, hey, no pressure.
Lol. I don't know.
Anyway, I felt better after the convo. Sort of like, he got me. And he actually gave me some solid advice, which was "talk to your dad," not just "you're an adult, follow your heart and do your own thing." I hate when people tell me to just do what I want and screw what my parents think. I want to do what's right, and I want everyone to be on board with it. If I'm going to have a piercing or a visible tattoo or travel to another land, I want my parents to know what I'm doing and be okay with it. I want us to understand each other. We may not have to agree, but there should at least be an agreement to disagree. A mutual understanding. Isn't it so much better that way?
So I'm going to do what he said, which is pray about an opening for the right time to talk to my dad. Because while I can understand where he's coming from, he's being really unfair. You can't take one "bad" or offensive thing that a person has done and use it to paint their entire life. (I just realized I'm preaching to myself here...maybe I've treated some people unfairly too.) Off on a tangent here, I did tell my mom that if she wanted to stay in contact with Cody that she could. Just to not pass any messages back and forth between us. So I didn't really cut her off, did I? Now I feel bad. Sigh.
Well I won't be making that mistake again. I won't try to control what people do...or who they talk to or anything like that. The decisions people make are up to them. Everyone deserves to be completely their own person. Anyway, that's what I don't want my dad to do to me...to use his fears or worries and put them on me. To restrain me from doing what I feel is best, or from trying something I want, just because he thinks it won't work.
If it won't, well, hey. Maybe he is right about my entire life. But that shouldn't stop me from getting the chance to live it out myself. It's MY life for a reason. It's okay to make mistakes and stumble into detours and occasional dead ends and get scratches and scars from the brambles along the way. I just need to make him understand that.
Yeah. So back to what I was saying, if someone has done SO much good, and you were so grateful to them, then they mess up and do one thing that you don't like, it's not fair to suddenly paint them as bad as the devil himself. And then try to dictate how someone else should behave around them, especially if that someone is an adult and has their own life to live. (Now mind you, I'm allowed to have these thoughts myself, but no one else is allowed to say them to me).
And that about sums it up for today, because I have to go, lol.
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