maybe it's pms

You know what?

I've been incredibly ill-content. Malcontent. Not content...lately. Nothing holds my interest...nothing excites me to where I say, "yes! I want to go do that!" I've been in a zombie sort of state. Like....I'd rather be staring out into space than looking at my phone...none of the videos I find on youtube can hold my interest, nothing I try to plan out really feels like it is actually going to happen...and it's all escalated to a point where I overthink too much and freak myself out and just generally feel like I'm unhappy and needy and afraid.

I hate it.

But I think I'm expecting other people to fix this. Like, if I spend more time with them, then I'll feel better. But this can't be correct. Because no one else is responsible for how I feel. If I'm mentally healthy and secure in myself, things that people say won't affect me. And I can't expect people to make me feel better about myself, because there's absolutely nothing they can do or say that won't get filtered through my lens of how I feel about myself.

And right now it's not too good. So. Gotta fix this.

Do I go back to therapy? I never actually got any therapy. I think maybe I ought to look into that. I can't expect to fix myself without any help from someone who actually knows what they're doing. I need tools. Proper methods to apply.

Alrighty.

I think I might just do that.