It's been a long time since I blogged on here. It might not have been that long, but it feels that way.

Since I was last on here, my mother's second birthday in the sky passed. That was last Monday. Hit me harder than I expected...kind of had me down in the dumps for a few days. Doesn't help that my period is starting today, so I know by now that the week leading up to it I'm usually an emotional wreck regardless of outside circumstances.

I've been kind of low on funds...tutoring is not making ends meet since I only have three students instead of eight. I would say I wish I didn't drop the two brothers, because it would have been five, but they caused me so much stress that I couldn't deal with it anymore. It was making me anxious.

The problem is, Uber has been cutting pay, drastically. And increasing the amount of work you have to do to get the measly amount of pay you do get. I've applied to drive for Lyft, but my background check is still running.

Sigh. I'm hungry.

I'm at Cal's house, because I hate being at home lately. Something about there is just so...empty. Dark. Might be the lack of windows, fresh air and natural light. Might be the fact that my mother isn't around. I thought for a while I had gotten used to it...I don't know.

Then I feel bad for my dad being there alone, and so I want to try to be there when he is. But...he works most of the day.

I want to move to a place that has lots of natural light. Isn't it a shame that that costs more? Big windows, being able to enjoy the planet we live on? How crazy is that? Who invented this thing called money and managed to decide that those who don't have as much of it aren't entitled to the PLANET?

Sigh. I'm still hungry.

You know what I want to do? Make the apartment beautiful and homey. Cozy. It might be tiny, but it has the potential to be so nice. I want to keep it clean...to have stuff not be broken and not ugly, dirty doors and holes in the wall and broken down tiles behind the stove and a front door that can't lock.

Just feels so impossible to do when I'm actually home. It's like I can't think when I'm there.

Or it could just be PMS, and I'll be a thousand times better in another five days or so.