I was standing in the middle of my room, looking around at the photos I've decorated the walls with, and my eyes fell on the one from 2011 where I'm posing with my college mascot. I'm smiling in the photo, but I recall that I was incredibly unhappy at the time.

Why? Because I'd recently made a stupid decision.

And then it struck me: All of the times in my life where I've been unhappy with myself, where I've been terribly depressed and miserable, are times of my own making. They're the result of me making stupid decision after stupid decision. Generally involving the male half of the species.

When there are external circumstances, such as when my mom was ill, I find ways to be happy in the midst of it, because the sadness is not coming from within. It's not me being disappointed in myself and tearing myself apart from the inside.

So....DUH. Stop making stupid decisions. I know enough by now to make smart choices. I know what I should do, and when I really, really probably shouldn't do something, there's a little voice inside of me that tells me that. When I ignore it and go to do it anyway, an escape or distraction will present itself. When I ignore THAT, I suffer the consequences later on.

So from today onward, I'm going to stop with the stupid decisions. Because I know better. Because I'm 27 years old and it's about time I started behaving in a mature manner. Took care of what I need to. All that jazz.

I'm completely equipped. (And I need to stop caring what people think. I will not be rude, or cruel, or stupid, but I will stand up for myself and my worth and my beliefs and my principles and not worry about how it will make someone else uncomfortable. Because I need to be comfortable with myself. And those same people would have no problem letting me know how they feel, or cutting me off if the opportunity or reason presented itself.)

So there.

Off to edit the rest of my video.