Does that make me crazy?

I think I might be losing my mind.

I'm an awful person. Why should God let hardships come if he knows they're going to make me into a worse person? So he can sit back and laugh when my demise comes?

The things I think of doing...of saying...I'm really a terrible person.

If my mother knew half the things I think (and somehow refrain from saying) whenever she frustrates me, she'd give up and die. She wouldn't want to live.

If my dad knew, he'd disown me and throw me out of the house.

Does any of it even matter anymore? I don't think God cares except to be mad at me. He's probably just given up on me. Seems like everything I'm doing or thinking or saying is wrong, un-Christian-like.

I don't feel like living.

But my parents have made me afraid to die, because the earlier I die, the longer I'd have to burn in hell.