my life isn't working.

This is what it feels like lately. As if my life is not working for me. I'm struggling to make ends meet, and what I'm doing for a living isn't fulfilling.

Sure, tutoring is great and it helps a child and it brings in a good deal of money (when my clients actually pay me on time and don't randomly cancel sessions), but it's actually more of a source of stress for me than something I enjoy doing.

I freak out about preparing for the sessions. About dealing with the kids. About meeting new parents. Maybe it isn't right for me.

So what's not working? And how can I fix it?

Someone told me yesterday that if I know what I want to change, I should start with small steps.

I want to change how I feel about my work. I want to look forward to it. Not dread it. The one thing that I genuinely look forward to doing is writing. There was that time on the bus some years ago when a random woman struck up a conversation with me and asked me what makes me happy, and to my utter surprise, I replied, "writing." And she said, "Do that."

Small steps. The first small step has been to find out how to set myself up as a professional freelance writer. The next is to begin to do that.

Step one. Go to Dunkin Donuts at 6:30am. Starting tomorrow morning. Work on the freelance writer professional website.  Have breakfast. Do this until 11:00. Seriously. Don't leave until 11:00. If I get tired of working on that website, I can take a one hour break to watch some youtube videos, but I need to set the timer on my phone so I stop when the hour is up.

There. That's step one.

I'll be back once I've figured out step two, but let's not overwhelm ourselves.