Just another picture...just another day.....still me.
let there be love...
~Cahryn K.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Let there be love - Oasis
suspended clear in the sky
are the words that we sing in our dreams
let there be love
are the words that we sing in our dreams
let there be love
=)
I'm going to go study...just now. Really, I am.
I just want to talk a little bit. I'm in such a good mood it's lovely. I'm listening to Pandora radio and I have it on a station I call my Civil Twilight station. I once downloaded a free song by them from iTunes and loved their style, so now I'm listening to all sorts of music that's similar.
I call it my mellow-happy music.
You know, since I'm staying on campus and all that, I think it may actually be a good thing. I mean, my mom's not well right now, and I hate that I can't be there with her all the time. Definitley. I hate that.
But since I'm on my own, (not fully, of course; I go home every weekend for church and to be with my family) I find myself more and more.
Like, literally find myself. Who I am, and what I do in the face of pressure and the like. What sort of things I really like: types of music, how I want to dress...the dressing is a big one, because when I'm home, my mom doesn't approve of certain things I'd like to wear, and I have to worry about..oh, I don't know, trying to get past her out of the door, haha.
Since I'm spending the weeks away, I have to make most of my decisions on my own, without getting a chance to get input from my family, and I'm learning the consequences of not making wise choices (like perhaps writing this blog before memorizing the muscles in the mink when my lab practical is tomorrow afternoon). But it's a learning process >_<.
I just love where I'm at right now, in my life.
What really cemented it for me was a small thing, but it was a big deal to me. I bought a longboard the other day ($260). When my parents came up to my campus on saturday for the event my club was having (a Hair Expo), I rode it to go and meet them at the train station. I was afraid they would be upset with me, especially when they found out how much it cost. But although they pointed out that they wished I had paid off a few more bills first, my dad said that he wasn't upset with me for having bought it. He explained that it was up to me to do what I thought was necessary and best for myself, and well.....
I just felt so much better. It's such a nice feeling to grow into oneself, especially coming from a super-overprotective family like I have. All my life I haven't been able to make my own decisions, but now that I am, I think I love it.
Anyhow. Speaking of wise decisions, let me go now and study for my practical. That's what responsibility is all about, right?
*smiles*
let there be love,
~Cahryn K.
I'm going to go study...just now. Really, I am.
I just want to talk a little bit. I'm in such a good mood it's lovely. I'm listening to Pandora radio and I have it on a station I call my Civil Twilight station. I once downloaded a free song by them from iTunes and loved their style, so now I'm listening to all sorts of music that's similar.
I call it my mellow-happy music.
You know, since I'm staying on campus and all that, I think it may actually be a good thing. I mean, my mom's not well right now, and I hate that I can't be there with her all the time. Definitley. I hate that.
But since I'm on my own, (not fully, of course; I go home every weekend for church and to be with my family) I find myself more and more.
Like, literally find myself. Who I am, and what I do in the face of pressure and the like. What sort of things I really like: types of music, how I want to dress...the dressing is a big one, because when I'm home, my mom doesn't approve of certain things I'd like to wear, and I have to worry about..oh, I don't know, trying to get past her out of the door, haha.
Since I'm spending the weeks away, I have to make most of my decisions on my own, without getting a chance to get input from my family, and I'm learning the consequences of not making wise choices (like perhaps writing this blog before memorizing the muscles in the mink when my lab practical is tomorrow afternoon). But it's a learning process >_<.
I just love where I'm at right now, in my life.
What really cemented it for me was a small thing, but it was a big deal to me. I bought a longboard the other day ($260). When my parents came up to my campus on saturday for the event my club was having (a Hair Expo), I rode it to go and meet them at the train station. I was afraid they would be upset with me, especially when they found out how much it cost. But although they pointed out that they wished I had paid off a few more bills first, my dad said that he wasn't upset with me for having bought it. He explained that it was up to me to do what I thought was necessary and best for myself, and well.....
I just felt so much better. It's such a nice feeling to grow into oneself, especially coming from a super-overprotective family like I have. All my life I haven't been able to make my own decisions, but now that I am, I think I love it.
Anyhow. Speaking of wise decisions, let me go now and study for my practical. That's what responsibility is all about, right?
*smiles*
let there be love,
~Cahryn K.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Swell Almost Spring Day
HI THERE!
I just had a fantastic day.
Like, really fantastic.
It started out with me going to class, learning about the gene that's believed to cause schizophrenia and autism (something I've been wanting to study for ages!) and then there was a blood drive at my school, and I donated blood.
Finally.
I've been wanting to do that for about 2 years and haven't done it till now. I'm so glad I was able to do it...I almost couldn't because I'd recently gotten my ears pierced (for the first time...didn't tell you that, did I?) But they let me.
It feels awesome.
Then today was thursday, so there are all these vendors that come to the lobby of the Student Activities Center (SAC) at my school, and I went and bought....dun dun dunnnn....
A LONGBOARD.
Yes. I did it. I bought a friggin' longboard.
I loves it already. It's so cooooollll.....but it's really fast and I have to get used to it. Cost me a pretty penny, though....$260. But its worth it.
I put it on my credit card. >_<
I also got a macbook pro (but that was last monday), which is the mostest awesometasticalest machine for computering ever made!
The weather was gorgeous today, up to 70 in the city and high 60s out here on the island. Loved it. I wore a tshirt today and wasn't cold =D
Then I went to the rest of my classes and hung out with my rocking cool friend Melodi and we painted our nails and had girl talk and I tried on her hairpiece (and fell in love, see pic above)...I want my own.
Anyway, now I'm sleeping over in her dorm and its like, 4:19am....yes, we stayed up that late. So..I'm going to bed now, I just wanted to share my lovely day with you.
peace, love and beautiful almost-spring days,
Cahryn K.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Last Hours of An Age
Hello there...
It's been a few months since I blogged on here..and the last entry wasn't exactly upbeat. But today, February 9th, 2012, is my twenty-third birthday.
However.
I'm still 22. I was born at 4:51am, and its only 2:06am right now. I'm sort of possessed with the odd need to get it all out on paper...or on webpage....whatever....
It's my last few hours of being twenty two years old. I can never go back. Somehow, this is very significant to me. Perhaps its because all the other ages I've been have been childlike...in a way? Yes, twenty one and twenty two are not "childhood" nor "adolescence", but somehow, to me, 23 seems like maturity.
I sit here on the cusp of adulthood.
I like the sound of that.
Over these past few months I've seen myself growing; changing for the better. I'm not as shy as I used to be, and my fear of public speaking has all but dissipated. I'm much more proactive in accomplishing things that I would like to do (or, in most cases, need to do), and I find myself thinking more about the future in a tangible way - as something that I am doing, living, right now. My future is now, for me, whereas before, it was this distant dream; a figment of my imagination that involved a scintillating storyline with a lookalike of myself cast as the heroine.
But my dreams are right around the corner. I can see their shadows, because the sun is ahead of me. And as such, I now can no longer see my own shadow...which is a good thing. Let it remain behind me.
I'm more involved in my schoolwork, and I feel as if I'm beginning to branch out more, and take more risks, come what may. Good risks, though. Like just up and going to a professor's office hours and spending an hour and a half talking to him about topics I don't understand, discussing the upcoming term paper, and discussing science in general.
I'd never have done that even in my distant and scintillating storyline.
But I did today.
I enjoy my coursework; I'm also the Secretary and Event Coordinator for the new club started on my campus by my friend (a hair club). We had our first meeting last night (tuesday night) and it was a great success - we had about 20 people turn out. Now I know that may not sound like much, but the room was full, we needed extra chairs, and the meeting flowed well.
And I wasn't nervous more than once.
(huge accomplishment)
I'm attending a bible study on wednesday nights, and I also intend to join the Red Cross chapter at my school.
OH.
I GOT A JOB, TOO!
I work in the dining center at my school, Sunday and Monday nights, till 4am. Tis a wee bit exhausting, but it is so worth it. It's a major boost for my self-confidence and self esteem. I don't feel as though I'm simply being a waste of time and space by just taking, taking, taking.
Its also GREAT to be doing something other than schoolwork and coming home to eat, do chores, and sleep.
I had been very stressed lately; over the winter break, actually. Shocker, I know. But my mom hasn't been too well....some rather disconcerting things have been taking place, but I'm praying for the best and I'm believing that she is healed.
Thank Jesus.
Things were very tense at home, and I went into shutdown mode for perhaps three to four weeks. I began to wonder whether I was actually depressed...but I refuse to claim that. I'm not.
I was just reacting to a lot of stress.
However, as soon as school started, I did an immediate 180...I'm...what's the word? Encouraged? No...inspired?....not quite.....ah. I don't know the word I'm looking for.
*muses* What is it? MOTIVATED!
That's it. I'm motivated. There's so much more going on in my life now, but each thing is a distraction (for lack of a better word) from the other. A sort of time out if you will. A break.
In short, though this blog might be long....I'm becoming who I want to be. Actually, no.
I'm becoming who I am meant to be. Who I really am. Coming into my own. Realizing my potential and stretching beyond it...just to see what happens.
In the words of SuperChick (the band): "We're just gonna jump and see if we can fly...."
I'm staying on campus; I've got half a dorm room =) For how long, I don't know, but its been two weeks, and I'm immensely grateful. My friend's suitemate had an empty bed because her roommate moved out and into ...well, she upgraded. Haha. So she told me that I could use that bed.
It's lovely.
I also got my ears pierced, on January 28th, 2012. But that's a story for another blog. It's a long one.
I think I need a quote.
"Men sometimes are masters of their fates;
the fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
but in ourselves, that we are underlings."
- Cassius, from Julius Caesar
Act 1 scene 2
It is up to me to make of my life what I will.
~Cahryn K.
It's been a few months since I blogged on here..and the last entry wasn't exactly upbeat. But today, February 9th, 2012, is my twenty-third birthday.
However.
I'm still 22. I was born at 4:51am, and its only 2:06am right now. I'm sort of possessed with the odd need to get it all out on paper...or on webpage....whatever....
It's my last few hours of being twenty two years old. I can never go back. Somehow, this is very significant to me. Perhaps its because all the other ages I've been have been childlike...in a way? Yes, twenty one and twenty two are not "childhood" nor "adolescence", but somehow, to me, 23 seems like maturity.
I sit here on the cusp of adulthood.
I like the sound of that.
Over these past few months I've seen myself growing; changing for the better. I'm not as shy as I used to be, and my fear of public speaking has all but dissipated. I'm much more proactive in accomplishing things that I would like to do (or, in most cases, need to do), and I find myself thinking more about the future in a tangible way - as something that I am doing, living, right now. My future is now, for me, whereas before, it was this distant dream; a figment of my imagination that involved a scintillating storyline with a lookalike of myself cast as the heroine.
But my dreams are right around the corner. I can see their shadows, because the sun is ahead of me. And as such, I now can no longer see my own shadow...which is a good thing. Let it remain behind me.
I'm more involved in my schoolwork, and I feel as if I'm beginning to branch out more, and take more risks, come what may. Good risks, though. Like just up and going to a professor's office hours and spending an hour and a half talking to him about topics I don't understand, discussing the upcoming term paper, and discussing science in general.
I'd never have done that even in my distant and scintillating storyline.
But I did today.
I enjoy my coursework; I'm also the Secretary and Event Coordinator for the new club started on my campus by my friend (a hair club). We had our first meeting last night (tuesday night) and it was a great success - we had about 20 people turn out. Now I know that may not sound like much, but the room was full, we needed extra chairs, and the meeting flowed well.
And I wasn't nervous more than once.
(huge accomplishment)
I'm attending a bible study on wednesday nights, and I also intend to join the Red Cross chapter at my school.
OH.
I GOT A JOB, TOO!
I work in the dining center at my school, Sunday and Monday nights, till 4am. Tis a wee bit exhausting, but it is so worth it. It's a major boost for my self-confidence and self esteem. I don't feel as though I'm simply being a waste of time and space by just taking, taking, taking.
Its also GREAT to be doing something other than schoolwork and coming home to eat, do chores, and sleep.
I had been very stressed lately; over the winter break, actually. Shocker, I know. But my mom hasn't been too well....some rather disconcerting things have been taking place, but I'm praying for the best and I'm believing that she is healed.
Thank Jesus.
Things were very tense at home, and I went into shutdown mode for perhaps three to four weeks. I began to wonder whether I was actually depressed...but I refuse to claim that. I'm not.
I was just reacting to a lot of stress.
However, as soon as school started, I did an immediate 180...I'm...what's the word? Encouraged? No...inspired?....not quite.....ah. I don't know the word I'm looking for.
*muses* What is it? MOTIVATED!
That's it. I'm motivated. There's so much more going on in my life now, but each thing is a distraction (for lack of a better word) from the other. A sort of time out if you will. A break.
In short, though this blog might be long....I'm becoming who I want to be. Actually, no.
I'm becoming who I am meant to be. Who I really am. Coming into my own. Realizing my potential and stretching beyond it...just to see what happens.
In the words of SuperChick (the band): "We're just gonna jump and see if we can fly...."
I'm staying on campus; I've got half a dorm room =) For how long, I don't know, but its been two weeks, and I'm immensely grateful. My friend's suitemate had an empty bed because her roommate moved out and into ...well, she upgraded. Haha. So she told me that I could use that bed.
It's lovely.
I also got my ears pierced, on January 28th, 2012. But that's a story for another blog. It's a long one.
I think I need a quote.
"Men sometimes are masters of their fates;
the fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
but in ourselves, that we are underlings."
- Cassius, from Julius Caesar
Act 1 scene 2
It is up to me to make of my life what I will.
~Cahryn K.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Finals Week
I want it to be over...for there not to be any more tests, no more studying, memorizing, none of that. I'm tired of it. I don't know why I had to choose the career I did...it's forever. And I'm making it take extra long, why? Because I don't do my work like I should. I know I CAN do it, I just DON'T. And then when the grades come back it seems like I can't. I don't think I was cut out for studying. I'm too flippant. I dream too much.
I should have been a writer.
I could sit in front of my desk whenever I wanted, and paint pictures with words all day long. (gosh, I hate how cliche that sounds). I could live in my own world.
Well. I already do, but at least my grades wouldn't suffer for it.
Sometimes I wish that I could take drastic measures....I'm so frustrated on the inside, but no one ever sees it. Hardly, anyway. It only comes out in my being snippy to my family.
Wouldn't it be easier to destroy myself?
But that would have the opposite effect. I'd ruin my family...all they've worked for. Their lives would be in vain.
Then what good would I be?
Instead, I take it out in other ways. But the relief is only temporary. No, I don't cut myself...so stop thinking that. Although I have thought about it. But it'd be useless. Pointless.
So I don't.
Can't I find some way to just do what I have to? Everyone else can. And it seems like those who can't, drop out of college.
Like Kanye West.
But look at him now...he's a millionaire.
And where am I?
In my bedroom, curled up on my couch with my books beside me, blogging away about how miserable I feel.
I haven't even worked on my novels in months.
Because of stupid school.
I haven't even done well in most of my classes this semester.
Because of stupid novels.
I seem to have reached an impasse.
See? Writing things out is good. I have no choice but to follow the logical conclusion at the end of it all.
I will study.
I should have been a writer.
I could sit in front of my desk whenever I wanted, and paint pictures with words all day long. (gosh, I hate how cliche that sounds). I could live in my own world.
Well. I already do, but at least my grades wouldn't suffer for it.
Sometimes I wish that I could take drastic measures....I'm so frustrated on the inside, but no one ever sees it. Hardly, anyway. It only comes out in my being snippy to my family.
Wouldn't it be easier to destroy myself?
But that would have the opposite effect. I'd ruin my family...all they've worked for. Their lives would be in vain.
Then what good would I be?
Instead, I take it out in other ways. But the relief is only temporary. No, I don't cut myself...so stop thinking that. Although I have thought about it. But it'd be useless. Pointless.
So I don't.
Can't I find some way to just do what I have to? Everyone else can. And it seems like those who can't, drop out of college.
Like Kanye West.
But look at him now...he's a millionaire.
And where am I?
In my bedroom, curled up on my couch with my books beside me, blogging away about how miserable I feel.
I haven't even worked on my novels in months.
Because of stupid school.
I haven't even done well in most of my classes this semester.
Because of stupid novels.
I seem to have reached an impasse.
See? Writing things out is good. I have no choice but to follow the logical conclusion at the end of it all.
I will study.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
The Inked Heart
They do not understand
They cannot understand
The night sky falling beneath my fingers
Dark clouds illuminated by the light of a lone star
As I trace the pattern of a slumbering world
They will not understand
They would not understand
The shape of a sound breaking over water
Curved melodies snaking around my waist
As I eke out the rhythm of a beating heart
They shall not understand
They’ll never understand
The form of a vowel upon the point
Upon the sharp point of ink and graphite
Upon the sharp point of wit and tongue
It is mine
It is mine alone, and yet it is ours
It belongs to us
But I understand, you understand
Yes, we live to understand
The beauty of the unwritten, unspoken, uncreated
It is true, I live to understand
The pattern that is inked upon my living, beating heart.
They cannot understand
The night sky falling beneath my fingers
Dark clouds illuminated by the light of a lone star
As I trace the pattern of a slumbering world
They will not understand
They would not understand
The shape of a sound breaking over water
Curved melodies snaking around my waist
As I eke out the rhythm of a beating heart
They shall not understand
They’ll never understand
The form of a vowel upon the point
Upon the sharp point of ink and graphite
Upon the sharp point of wit and tongue
It is mine
It is mine alone, and yet it is ours
It belongs to us
But I understand, you understand
Yes, we live to understand
The beauty of the unwritten, unspoken, uncreated
It is true, I live to understand
The pattern that is inked upon my living, beating heart.
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