is that it sometimes feels like I live alone.
And that can be a good thing and a bad thing. Like, I forget to clean sometimes. Or I just have no motivation to, if I'm being honest. However, I don't let it get too messy before I start to go nuts and go on a cleaning spree.
But for the things I don't like to do, like clean the toilet. Or wipe up beard hairs from the sink.
Funny thing is, if I were married, I probably still couldn't escape that.
But I'm home by myself a lot. When my mom was alive, she was almost always home. So whenever I got home from school or work, she'd be there. There was always the vibe of someone else being in the house.
Now it's usually just my cats.
And while that might seem lonely, it's not. It's actually just a stark reminder of where I probably ought to be in life by now.
For example, where we live now, it's not by choice, exactly. It's much less than ideal when it comes to the quality of life. HOWEVER. Rent is EXTREMELY cheap, considering we live in New York City. And who really needs that much space anyway?
But here's where the "not-living-alone" part kicks in...I clean the kitchen table and come home to find it covered in bread, buns, napkins and plastic forks.
Know what? I just had a thought. I'm going to cherish this, because one day I won't have it.
That's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. The fact that one day, if life on this planet continues the way it always has, my dad won't be around. Neither will I. And nothing says that one will happen before the other.
Sigh.
But my point is, since I digressed, that I would like to have things a certain way. Decorate a certain way. Build shelves, get rid of barrels and the walk-in closet (yes we actually have one, it's in the hall, though) full of winter coats that my dad hasn't worn in three years (going on four).
Should I do it? Would he resent me for it? Gosh. I open that closet and don't know where to begin. It's full of things we never, ever use. Really, the only thing we ever take out of there is the vacuum cleaner. He doesn't even keep his work bag in there anymore.
There would be room for his shoes, proper organization of his tools, all our bulk paper towels and toilet paper...we could actually hang the coats we DO use in there...I would even put a paperwork storage system in there and buy a shredder.
You know what? Maybe I'm just being lazy. Maybe I should do these things anyway. I want to replace the rinky dink garbage and recycling cans we have that don't close properly with stainless steel ones that take up less space.
All the water bottles he brings home? There would be space to hang a bag inside that closet to put the empty ones in for recycling. Or that little space in between the refrigerator and the...what is that called? China cabinet. I could install some shelves there with a bigger space on the bottom to hang a bag for the bottles.
We need to recycle all our plastic bags, too. I noticed to day that Target has a plastic bag recycling bin. Since I found out that plastic bags aren't recyclable the normal way, there's no point to throwing them out with the trash.
Oh yeah. I want to switch to biodegradable garbage and recycling bags, too. I found some on amazon.
I know people say that it's the big corporations making the most pollution and they're not being held responsible for it, and that's true, but that doesn't give us the excuse to be crappy human beings and add to it as well.
I've pretty much gotten my room the way I want it, or at least to a way that I'm pretty satisfied with how it looks. I need to tackle my own closet as well - since working at Target I've accumulated way too many clothes and I find myself struggling to decide what to wear, a sure sign that I no longer have what can reasonably be called a capsule wardrobe.
I spend too much money, too. I think I should budget out how much I need for two weeks, withdraw that in cash (including gas money) and leave my debit card and credit cards at home.
Yeah.
And take the target app off my phone. Or at least unlink my debit card.
I impulse buy much, much too often. It's like an urge overtakes me and I spend, spend, spend until I have either just enough left to pay my bills or too little.
I can't keep living like that.
I'm tired again. I took a nap when I got home, but probably only slept for about two or three hours. I didn't sleep well last night (had an allergic reaction that woke me up in the middle of the night) and then went to work for 7:00 this morning. Worked until three fifteen...came home...I guess I could do with some more rest. It's almost midnight now. One minute away.
I'll finish cleaning up my clothes and then go back to bed.
See ya. Thanks for listening.
No comments:
Post a Comment