I think I may be stretching myself too thin.

Tutoring.
Website launch (in ten days!!)
Postmates/uber.
Gallery.

That's it. That's all I'm doing. But I have a habit of panicking and thinking that I don't have enough time in a day to accomplish everything I need to, when that's SO not true.

I'm also worried about my finances for this month. And I'm hungry. But that's neither here nor there, except for the fact that the internet bill is two months overdue and I only have about $150 left in my account.

Okay. Time to take a step back and figure out what we want.

I want to be self sufficient. I also want to not need to tutor. Why? Um.......because it stresses me? But wouldn't everything stress me? Yes. So never mind that. Keep tutoring.

If I go out every evening that I don't have tutoring and do postmates and uber from say, seven pm to ten pm, it would help with the income.

What am I worried and nervous and fretting about? Starting my life, basically. I mean, I'm already living my life, but...two of my high school friends just had babies, and my childhood best friend just got married. It makes me fret, a little bit, and feel kind of bad, because here I am having never been in a real relationship that's lasted longer than three months.

I don't know how to calculate the thing with Cal, because that lasted two months, wasn't on for three, and now is back on for about one. So...is it three months or do we just round it up to six months? When March 30th comes around next year will it be a year? Or does it start over from October? Eh. Who cares. But what I mean is that...I feel bad for not being like everyone else. I know that's dumb. So dumb. But it's a fact. And then I get sad that my mom will not be there to help me with a child when I do have one.

Lotta things going on in this head at one time.

Well. What do I want?

To be self sufficient, to have my own apartment (with or without a roommate), to be stylish (because yes, that stuff matters to me) and to be self-employed doing something I love, which would be science journalism and combining art with that.

These are the steps I must take to get there: I'm working on my website, and my tutoring will require maybe three-four hours of prep time during the week. See? That's not even much! I need real food, though. OH! And I also want to have a healthy lifestyle. Where I stay slim and trim, and actually eat healthy, home-cooked food. Mostly non-cooked, actually. Like smoothies (and coffee!) for breakfast, and then salads for lunch and soups and stuff for dinner. With the occasional good ol' jamaican meal every now and again. I will find a way.

It's in the small decisions each day, though, isn't it? Like what I decide to eat, what I decide to spend my time doing....and I need to also build in free time that doesn't get encroached on by anyone. This requires time budgeting and also monetary budgeting.

I need a fund that's like an adventure fund.

With disposable money for random going out and stuff.

Okay. Yay. There we go.

And once I'm on a financially stable flow (gotta find out what works that I can consistently pay my bills) then I can start saving for trips to travel around ze world.