terrified

This whole process of applying to grad school is terrifying.
I wish I hadn't started college until last semester. I wasn't ready. I wasn't mature. I wasn't responsible enough. And now I'm afraid I'm going to pay for it by not being accepted to graduate studies.
I should have just majored in english. I would have had a 4.0GPA.
If I could do it over, I would.
I really would.
If I could do it over, that day in October, 2007, I would ignore the cute skater  boy who started talking to me as I was walking to the train station.
If I didn't ignore him, I'd listen to my parents when they warned me, over, and over, and over again.
It makes me worry about being a parent myself someday.
But back to grad school.
They all want 3.0 gpas. Mine isn't quite that.
I tried for so long and so hard to go to medical school, and really, chemistry and physics and calculus and all those other stupid requirements are so not my forte.
Biology and english is. Are. Haha. The irony.
But either way, I'm just worried.
If I do get in, I honestly don't know how I'm going to pay for it. When I get out, how will I pay off the loans?
But what if I don't get in to any? What if none of them like me?
I didn't develop relationships with my professors like I should have to be able to just stroll up to any of them and ask for a recommendation letter...I commuted all my years of studying here, and really, when you're a commuter (perhaps an immature commuter, granted) all you think about is catching that 4:17 train home so you can get back before the sun goes down and you don't have to spend 2 hours on the train instead of one and a half.
I wish I had been more responsible, thought ahead more, asked more questions, listened to my parents, talked to professors, stopped being so goddang SHY, sought out opportunities, NOT listened to my parents about not dorming so I wasn't always rushing home and could have been more involved....
What can I do about all that now?
Nothing.
Not a darn thing.
NOTHING.
So what to do now?
Move forward. Hope that my GPA is overshadowed by great GRE scores. Hope that my writing samples and any possible interviews place me in a good light.
Pray.
Pray some more.
And then ..... go to Cincinnati.