I want it to be over...for there not to be any more tests, no more studying, memorizing, none of that. I'm tired of it. I don't know why I had to choose the career I did...it's forever. And I'm making it take extra long, why? Because I don't do my work like I should. I know I CAN do it, I just DON'T. And then when the grades come back it seems like I can't. I don't think I was cut out for studying. I'm too flippant. I dream too much.
I should have been a writer.
I could sit in front of my desk whenever I wanted, and paint pictures with words all day long. (gosh, I hate how cliche that sounds). I could live in my own world.
Well. I already do, but at least my grades wouldn't suffer for it.
Sometimes I wish that I could take drastic measures....I'm so frustrated on the inside, but no one ever sees it. Hardly, anyway. It only comes out in my being snippy to my family.
Wouldn't it be easier to destroy myself?
But that would have the opposite effect. I'd ruin my family...all they've worked for. Their lives would be in vain.
Then what good would I be?
Instead, I take it out in other ways. But the relief is only temporary. No, I don't cut myself...so stop thinking that. Although I have thought about it. But it'd be useless. Pointless.
So I don't.
Can't I find some way to just do what I have to? Everyone else can. And it seems like those who can't, drop out of college.
Like Kanye West.
But look at him now...he's a millionaire.
And where am I?
In my bedroom, curled up on my couch with my books beside me, blogging away about how miserable I feel.
I haven't even worked on my novels in months.
Because of stupid school.
I haven't even done well in most of my classes this semester.
Because of stupid novels.
I seem to have reached an impasse.
See? Writing things out is good. I have no choice but to follow the logical conclusion at the end of it all.
I will study.
