Cram Time

I'm really glad I chose a dark background for my blog. It allows me to use so many different colors to type in depending on my mood.

Anyway, I've got a final for Microbiology tomorrow, and I have been doing a bit of studying...I need to do more, though. I always need to do more; I never do enough of anything good. I do too much of things that aren't good, though, but then, shucks. I don't know. I just want to change for the better.

It's a quarter past eight now, and I need to focus. My mom has this thing she calls "forced focus," which works some of the time, but not all of the time. It's best if you're reading or something like that: you just don't allow yourself to look up and around. But when you've gotta study, it's just infinitely more difficult.

I really can't wait for these stupid tests to be over with. They're so.........frustrating. I tell you, as soon as they're done with, I'm going to have an entire day to watch movies, an entire week to just WRITE; work on my stories--all of them--I need to update and get further on The Mystical--and then like another week to clean. I'll be starting summer classes on July 13th, and well, oh, right.

I've got so much to do. I need to make a buttload of money this summer, because my tuition bill is not, in fact, $1400 and change, but rather flipping $1596, which is very blasted near sixteen hundred. And I don't know for sure yet how much financial aid I'll be getting, so I definitely need to help offset that cost for my dad. Especially since I'm such a disappointment all the time.

I've got to stop being such a failure. I can't be that any more. In the words of Mark, from American Movie, "Now is the time not to drink and dream, but create and complete."

I don't know why I can't make myself do what's necessary.

Sometimes I feel like if I were on my own, somehow I would be able to do all these things. Because I would have to, you know? But I really don't know what to make of myself.

You know what? Screw this. I'll figure myself out later. Right now, I've got to understand the freakin' lytic cycle of a virus, and know what the hesey is the difference between that and the lysomatic or whatever it is cycle.

*growls and grabs hair*

Your very irked muffin,

Cahryn.